People Gawking

Reasonable Responses To People When They Gawk At You Upon Learning That You’ve Written And Published A Memoir (Read: And what’s so special about your life, pray tell?)

Oh, it’s about the 2 years I spent on a deserted island after a ship wreck in the middle of the Caspian Sea. They made a movie about it – Cast Away. You didn’t know that was my life?

Well, about 20 years ago a vampire came into my bedroom at about 4am and drained all the blood out of my body. Then I was a zombie for a while until I went to a blood bank and refilled and now I have irritating antibodies. But all good. Happy Ending.

So, one day at a rehearsal I got so angry at the flutist I was sitting next to, that I whipped out my reed knife and stabbed her. It was superficial, believe me. I aimed at her thigh. There was some blood. But they arrested me and I just got caught up in the system for 3 years. Then I was released and I was able to have reconciliation with the flutist because she realized she was in the wrong. She was complaining about my pitch, and I went crazy – it was HER pitch. Sad.

Okay, here’s the thing. There comes a time when a woman just has to speak out. I mean I really could not keep my mouth shut any longer. And tell the truth. I was Big Edie and Little Edie’s housekeeper. At Grey Gardens. For 10 months. Jackie O showed up once. It’s a page turner.

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